Did you know that confidence is a trait that’s developed over time? That’s right, you’re not born oozing confidence. This may be shocking to those people who can’t remember ever feeling anything but confident. But, it’s true. The difference between confident people and insecure people has nothing to do with genetics, appearance, intelligence, status, or wealth. In fact, there are many people in this world who are very confident despite their lack of the af0rementioned traits. And, conversely there are people who are beautiful, intelligent, and wealthy that are extremely insecure.
What Makes Us Confident?
So, how did all of these confident archetypes come to be? They learned it. Some learned it a very early age. That’s why there is this myth going around that some people are just born confident. A lot of our confidence stems from our childhood. As we’re growing up, we’re constantly learning. We have to learn to talk, walk, run, tie, feed ourselves, wash ourselves, write, make friends, handle money, manage our time, etc. Each of these events is an opportunity for us to gain confidence. Those who report feeling confident their whole lives probably had family that was supportive, loving, and allowed them to do things for themselves. Now, I’m not harping on overprotective parents. Oftentimes, parents are simply doing what they feel is best for their child. They don’t realize that acting like a helicopter parent can hinder their child’s confidence. But the truth is that we gain confidence by succeeding at different tasks.
Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t fail and still be confident, in fact, how you handle failure is yet another key to building confidence. You have to be resilient when you make mistakes. You have to keep trying until you figure it out. I should probably mention that you also need to be able to accept and admit when you make a mistake so that you can learn from that mistake.
Ultimately, if you want to gain confidence you have to put yourself out there and start doing new things. With each accomplishment, your confidence increases. Now, it’s a good time to throw in that having a supportive group of people surrounding you can make it easier. However, it’s not exactly necessary because as you learn and grow in confidence supportive people are naturally going to flock to you. It’s that whole law of attraction thing, again. You attract what you project.
Tips To Help You Put Yourself Out There
Anyway, I have some easy tips that can make putting yourself out there easier. First up, power poses. Power poses are amazing! Yeah, I know this became famous a while ago and then subsequently got kicked to the curb, but hear me out. Have you ever read the book “Strangers To Ourselves” by Timothy Wilson? Well, he’s a psychologist and he coined the term “do good, be good”. Basically, do good, be good is essentially a method you can utilize to influence your brain. By doing things that are good, you’re sending a message to your brain that you’re good. Overtime, your subconscious adopts this belief. This concept can be applied to power poses as well! If you stand confidently, speak confidently, act confidently overtime your subconscious will adopt this as true. It’s kind of like fake until you make it. Maybe, Amy Cuddy wasn’t full of BS after all🤪!
Next on my list is clothing. You maybe thinking, I know Amy, dress for success. But, you’d be wrong. I’m not going to sit here and tell you to dress for success per se. What I am going to tell you is that you need to feel good in what you’re wearing in order to feel confident. Think about it…if you’re constantly pulling at your skirt or tripping in heels, then you’re not going to feel very confident. And, to play on my previous point, by doing these things you’re signaling to your brain that you are in fact not confident. So, do yourself a favor, find something that is appropriate that you feel good in!!
Last, but certainly not least, at least not for me…is perfume. Did you know that your brain is more likely to remember something that has a scent connected to it? Not only are you more likely to remember it, if it’s a pleasant scent, you are more likely to view that person/place as pleasant! Ohhhh…who knew perfume could be so powerful?!?! I tell you who, researchers and every luxury hotel, department store, boutique, spa, car dealership, and even Disney World. They’re all making bank all while fiddling with your brain’s pleasure center. There’s a whole market segment dedicated to helping businesses develop their signature scent. Look up Aroma 360! It’s one of the leading companies in the industry. Their website will fill you all in on how scent plays a roll in building a brand. While your at it, check out WonderWall and My Way, they are simply divine! And no this is not paid advertisement. I really really love these two scents!
Anyway, perfume is a powerful tool. Not only can it improve your mood, but it can also help others to remember you, especially if you have a signature scent. I personally do not have a signature scent, but I definitely have a favorite scent family, and I change my scent up based on the weather. The hotter months I stick to more citrusy scents and in cooler weather I’m all about spicy oriental fragrances. Now, go out there get your power poses, find “the” outfit, and spritz on that perfume that lights you up and rock it!